Straight out of a teen comedy

So... I'm spending the holidays visiting with cousin Melsie. Until last night, we had been squatting at her bfs house, but yesterday we moved to her real house.

I stayed up past everyone else last night (watching Will and Grace and SITC), then staggered upstairs, somewhat groggy, to brush teeth etc. Could only find toner and moisturizer on the counter by the sink, so I checked the shower for facewash. Found a bottle marked 'dermatologically tested' which also said something about not drying skin and that sort of stuff. It had a weird cap, not like a flippy one, but the kind you just pull up a couple of mm. Like a fancy water bottle. But I got it. Awesome.

This morning, in the shower, I reached for the same bottle. THEN I decided to read it properly. It was 'intimate wash', which I didn't really get until I saw (right after derm tested) 'and gynecologically tested'.

OH MAH GAWWWWD.

It's like a scene from American Pie or Superbad. Except it would have been a guy and they would have woken up with a yeast infection in their eye. Or something. Or like meangirls where they gave Regina George a bottle of foot lotion for her face (but all it did was make her face smell like a foot. And Aaron Samuels loved it, smells like peppermint...).

Face still looks like a face, not a vagina. Although I guess that's subjective. Looks no more like a vagina than it did yesterday. Will keep you updated.

I miss Roswell, too!

I was just reading the JustJared history for Shiri Appleby (does anyone else get shocked every time you read that she and Zach Braff are dating? I do!), and he says:

"Scrubs star Zach Braff and Roswell actress girlfriend Shiri Appleby flirt between the windows of Zach’s Porche as he gases up his car during a rainy Saturday in LA. How romantic! (I miss Max and Liz, sniffles.)"

Hahaha. How adorable.

(In case you forgot why you loved Roswell. Because you did. And still do.)

PS. Shiri is a Trojan, woot woot.

Boys Say The Darndest Things

This was a text I got last week (from NB):

"I have an advent calendar but instead of days before xmas its days before amanda and instead of chocolates i just masterbate"

Rekha thought it was the funniest thing she had ever read, and nearly choked on her coffee. Rona was pretty grossed out, as was mom, but kind of bemused. Rach thought it was really romantic.

Thoughts?

Stocking Stuffers

Here are some financially realistic things:

1) Cookie Cutters

I only have hearts and people. Which is all very well, but how can I make pretty snowflake cookie ornaments?

2) A black scarf

Starlets always look so cool and layery, and I want to be cool too. But the only scarf in that vein that I have is maroon and a little bright... taking away from the layering. If ya get me.

3) A grey/black knit cardigan / oversized hoodie. Either / Or.

Because I have one I love that's brown, but I wear so much black and they don't match. And then all my black ones are kinda fitted.

4) CDs

I don't have the new Killers, and I want it. I'm sure there are other things I would listen to if I was given them. I still don't have the 2nd maroon 5 album, which makes me a fail fail. I want Circus. but I can steal that off roomies.

Uhh... I could also do with a new bag, in the oversized and (p)leather variety. One of those wool hats that people perch on the back of their heads that somehow don't fall off. A beret? A wallet.

Maybe I should start thinking of summer clothes.

I love lists.

22 Days

And no more long dist texts :)

Speaking Of...

I had totally forgotten that the Mormon Moron was an extra in some D movie a couple of years ago. He is also on IMDB. Oh my life. Guess who else is in the movie? Cam Gagandet.

Future Movie Star or Straight to DVR?

Speaking of Stoned-Anakin, he is in 2 movies, not 1. Both sequels to some American Pie-type teen movies of the 90's/early 00's.

You can IMDB him, if you know his name. It's kind of strange. That's the first person I legit know who is almost kinda sorta famous.

Huh.

I can almost bet that Mormon Moron will LOVE the films and be BFF with him.

This Soup Is Too Salty!

I made me some Teriyaki chicken for lunch, using a bottle that was allegedly marinade and glaze from Ralphs, and I followed all the directions - 10 min, and it looked very nice and succulent and stuff, except that it didn't thicken and glaze like they usually do, so a little watery, but ok... and I was all thinking, how can anyone say that they can't cook when it is SO easy to make this sorta thing? Even if it doesn't really count as cooking...

But it frickin TASTES LIKE SOYA SAUCE CHICKEN!

I am not happy.

If I wanted soya sauce chicken, I would have marinated my chicken in the free little packets of soya sauce we can get at Panda Express, not bought Teriyaki sauce. How can Teriyaki be not sweet at all? Very confused. Am eating it with sweet Thai chilli sauce to balance it out, but is really kind of a bizarre mix of flavours. Oh wells.

Fail lunch.

My 2 Front Teeth

Here is my list! I don't know why I act like y'all have been waiting with bated breath, I guess I just like to be dramatic.

1) A KitchenAid Artisan Mixer

So I don't get blisters trying to make the egg whites form stiff peaks.

Arrived this morning, courtesy of the East Coast branch of the Family.

2)A Not Too Short Not Too Long Double Breasted Cowl Necked Grey Pea Coat

So I can look like Edward Cullen, but a girl. JK.

I believe that is on the way, many thanks to Choops and the Singapore Friends.

3) A piping set

So my cupcakes will look cool.

4) A Killer Interview Outfit

So I can get a job at an agency. Comme ca? Maybe, but I really wanted a frilly blouse with it.

5) A MacBook Pro

So I can be all trendy-mac-cool and also so I can woo without having to attach this embarrassing alien eye to my computer.

Ok, that's all I have right now.

All I want for Xmas is...

3 months rent

My side mirror on my car to get repaired

My plates renewed

My car insurance renewed

Health insurance for when I graduate

A job, also for when I graduate

When did life get so grown up?


I guess, in less depressing but still unattainable goals:

A spring break vaycay

A computer with a battery that lasts for more than 20 minutes

Real list coming soons, I swears. I know my #1 is arriving tomorrow anyway :)

27 days

How D-grade Movies Survive

They go straight to TV, where lonely housewives + Rona and I watch them. Why?

It's all in the handsome handsome men.

So here are some horrible things to watch to make you very happy:

1) Flirting with 40.

Is basically a movie romance novel about some 40 year old divorcee running off to Hawaii over Xmas and hooking up with a 27 year old surf instructor.

Here's why you watch:

Robert Buckley, Ladies and Gents. Or just ladies. Adelle will like this, he's the guy from Lipstick Jungle. And the genius writers basically make sure that he is shirtless in EVERY scene he's in. Also that Heather Locklear is getting krunk in EVERY scene that she's in, but that's just a hilarious bonus.

5 stars.

2) Legend of the Seeker.

Based on a book series by Terry Goodkind, it's your typical fantasy 'you are the chosen one even though you think you are a peasant, I am a wizard let's go kill the bad guy who tried to kill you when you were a baby because it was written that you would one day kill him' thing. It has the production value of Xena or Hercules.

Reason to watch:

Craig Horner. Adelle will also like him, because he is some Aussie actor. While he is not shirtless in EVERY scene, I believe that they make a point to have him shirtless at least once an episode. You know, oh I have to practice my sword fighting, must remove this constricting garment.

3 1/2 stars.

I have done all you women a great service today, unless you are lezzie, then you can check out Heather Locklear, who is quite foxy usually, and Bridget Regan, who is fairly pretty. This may also apply to straight men.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Here is what is making me happy at this moment:

1) I finally got my Advent Calendar off Ex-Arty-Neighbour, and it is more glorious than you can imagine. Little windows with chocolates somewhat resembling the Lindt Truffle Ball Things, and a 3-D tree! Plus, because it was the 7th, I got to crack open 7 little windows and share :) I know, I'm so nice.

2) We did our Secret Turkey exchange. Yes, you heard right. The roomies and I have a little tradition going on where before Thanksgiving we do a secret-santa like thing with a $10 maximum, then we switch gifts after. Mel had me, and she bought me some large underwear. It is a running joke with us that I wear a lot of giant underwear. Which really, I do. Sexay.

3) The Ex-Neighbours had their annual x-mas party, and I got a French for Children book from the white elephant. I love it, because even though I took French for more than 10 years, I am still at child level.

4) I got to talk to NB on webcam for a fairly long time, and laugh at his horrible hair and tufty facial fuzz.

5) The Irvine non-relations sent along a bag of 22 romance novels that Rona and I are working our way though.

Here are some things I am not happy about:

1) I have a final due tomorrow morning that I am only starting on now. There is a long story behind this, where everyone in my class thinks our teacher is an idiot, especially after he announced over Thanksgiving that he changed his mind about not having a final, please make ourselves available on the last day of finals to do a group presentation. Horrendous uproar from class ensues, because half of these people have already booked tickets home for before that, ecstatic to have no final. He settles on an email final, which is grammatically incorrect.

2) There is never enough sleep.

Here are some things that I am neither way about, but that I am sure you will find interesting:

1) The 2-week boyfriend, here on known as Facebook Foul (much like Party Foul, so named for his question upon being broken up with: what will we put on facebook?), drunk texted me on Sat with what suspiciously looked like a booty call. Luckily, I was too enthralled with my romance novel to be even slightly tempted..

2) The Spanish Summer Senor Facebook chatted me about how he wants to get married and have babies, but is lacking the woman and job. This will probs surprise a lot of you, but that's just how he is. He likes to be affectionate.

Silver Fox

How can Bryan Singer be 43?! He's kinda hot, for a director. Esp compared to Chris Nolan. I def had 'I'd do him' kind of thoughts when he talked to our class tonight.

More on Valkyrie later.

Spotted

I guess spotting my old flames is the theme of the semester. One day, I should put up all their pictures. It's really only because it's what I would honestly like to read on other people's blogs. The man stories are always the best.

Today, it was Stoned-Anakin of Freshman year screenwriting. He will always be fondly remembered for complementing my suede boots. And for being formerly hawt. His looks/charm went downhill over the years as he smoked more pot and grew his scraggly facial fuzz. Stoned-Anakin is an aspiring actor, and has a pretty big role in some kind of C-grade straight to DVD movie. Rona and I IMDBpro'd him, it was pretty exciting.

Group meeting on the row. While attempting to not // park, a jeep came up behind me. I was all eff eff, I'm not leaving, but Jeep deftly swooped into a far smaller spot. I got out and wondered off to K's Frat (which is, in fact, a sorority), but then realized that I couldn't call my group mate because I left my phone in the car. Walked back, and Jeep boy was out there. OMGzorz it's Stoned-Anakin.

Me: Hey

SA: Hey... Amanda, right?

Yesss.

Me: You're in that movie right?

SA: Yea... how did you know?

Me: Oh... facebook.

SA: Oh, like my pictures?

Me: I guess. *shrug shrug*

Have totally established myself as a stalker. Fab.

SA: Are you graduating in May?

Me: Yea, are you?

SA: No. I took a semester off.

Me: Oh, how come?

SA: To do the movie.

Me: Oh. Right. Well, I have to get my phone out of my car, and I can't find my keys...

Awkwardly shawk over to my car. He engages in a convo with some man who is probably trying to buy drugs off him. I shawk off to my project, and instead of listening to the others practice, decide to blog.

32 Days.

Of Former Romantic Interests

I saw BabyFace today. Or rather, he saw me, and I said 'hi' back, totally unphased. At Crocker, as usual. No spidey senses tingling, which is strange. Perhaps I am over it. Or perhaps I was stressed.

Also saw the GoldenBoy in class. No props for anticipating that one, because he is also in the class. He is looking golden as always, though somewhat scruffy, but I think I like the scruff. I am balls awk in that class, I never talk to him even though we are technically friends and I spend a great deal of time staring at his sockless shoes (and also handsome face).

Mormonmoron said some moronic things, as usual. Then he tried to schmooze with the guest speaker. But at least he dresses quite nicely.

Don't worry kids, all is well with the NB. Although he did get stung by a jellyfish. And no, he didn't pee on himself. He poured vinegar on the sting. I know, lame. I was a most unsympathetic GF, gaffawing away as he told me how scared he was that it was some kind of treacherous poisonous one that could kill.

Why do Jellyfish look like spacemen?

33 more days.

Best Day Ever

The fact that I have 3 presentations and 2 papers this week is completely outweighed by these wonderful things:

1) Arty-Ex-Neighbour has purchased a Starbucks Advent Calendar for me, on sale and staff discount (I think).

2) 35 more days.

3) At work today, Chief Assistant gave me my lunch 'allowance', then paid for lunch, then bought me a coffee on the company card.

4) I made mini-quiches last night using Thanksgiving leftovers, and they were a moderate success.

5) After almost an entire semester without the News I love to hate, I have found its new home, foolishly posted on the Editor's facebook page.